Shameful, Appalling, Deplorable, Shocking, Heinous, Horrendous....

Wow!!! So many words have been said and heard... So many voices have spoken so many times and so many ears have gone deaf... And I know writing here might get me into legal trouble (pun intended), but where do I vent out my anger... My disappointment... My sadness? 

A student... A bright girl... A daughter... A sister... So many dreams... So many hopes... Will she even survive? She IS fighting it out... But even if she does survive, what would her life be like now? What if this had happened to me? What if this had happened to someone I knew, someone I loved...? There are so many questions in my mind... I can't even begin to write... I still do not understand how do these things happen? Why do we only get reaction when something of this sort happens? Who do we blame now? I blame myself. I do... Maybe I was not present there at that time... But even if I was, would I have done anything to protect this girl? Appallingly, I don't think so. As an average citizen of this great country, hailing from a middle class family, with innumerable responsibilities and duties, with hundreds of liabilities, I - the citizen of the Republic of India, would have been a silent spectator... I know that... And for that I am shameful... For that I hang my head in shame today... !!!

It is interesting how the news and media helped catupulate this story into limelight and how it got the Delhi Police to hunt down the perpetrators or in my plain and simple language - rapist pigs, within 48 hours of the crime. But what about those stories which go unnoticed and would, maybe available in only print media... For example a few months back I read a story from Ranchi, where a mother of two returning from her parents place was kidnapped, gang raped, sodomised with liqour bottles and murdered in one of the public parks. I tried following up on that story, but after one or two times, anything about it had stopped coming in the papers. But now I open my tv and there it is on every news channel, the plight of the 23 years old budding physiotherapist battling for her life... I'm happy that at least now the Indian media is open enough about putting this crime i.e., rape of a woman, in their foremost and most prioritized section of News... Be it for their own good... But is this just going to die down like every other news about crime against women? 

Crime against women - Starting with Eve teasing > Molestation > Rape... I remember the first time I was molested in a blue line bus... I am not ashamed of talking about it now because I know now that it was not my fault... I had boarded a heavily crowded bus at about 8.15 am to go to my college, and when this incident happened I was 18 years old... Has anyone any idea about what goes on in a girl/woman's mind when something like this happens? I was so distraught that I alighted from the bus, took a rickshaw and went back home, hid under the covers and cried... It was my mom to whom I confessed about it, and she as usual had a simple solution for this... She gave me a saaree pin (For those who are unfamiliar with it, it is a huge safety pin) and said next time something happens don't come back home crying, stick it to anyone any place you find... She taught me to protect myself... She helped me regain my self confidence and made me brave... I think almost every parent in this country would have done something to protect their daughter from such "incidents"... But how can they protect us when we are away from them...? And does that mean that the only way we can protect ourselves is by carrying weapons?

The Delhi Police, The Delhi Government, The Central Government... Every authority responsible for our safety has given up on us... Delhi - A city which has a female Chief Minister... And yet the first comment that comes out her mouth is that the state government is not responsible for the law and order in this city...? Then what are you being elected for, for all these years, what have you been doing? Fine the Delhi Police is under the Central Government... Then shouldn't the safety and security in the National Capital be the best in the country...? When asked how this incident took place under their nose at 9.30 pm in one of the most crowded areas of the city, the Delhi Police chief says not every moving vehicle can be checked? Sir, this moving vehicle had a cancelled licence, why was it even on the road? And being a school bus, what is it doing out at night? The central government? A joke!!! I was watching the various speeches by the women MPs in Rajya Sabha, while I found Mrs. Jaya Bacchan's tearful monologue most touching, the expression on the face of the speaker and the rest of the ministers was in one word "appalling"... While Smriti Irani was giving some insightful details, all that the speaker had to say to her was "Time ho gaya"? No sir!!! Not enough!!! Time nahi hua!!! People of this country are disturbed to their core... These few women are only describing our thoughts, our feelings... Show some respect... Let the woman speak!!!

So in the end, apparently no amount of "dress up properly" or "dont go out at odd times" or "carry pepper spray" or "always be accompanied by a male friend or "guard" when you go out at night" can help you... We are all at the mercy of these animals, who might be from the slums or the banglows and kothis or even our familes, who can choose to tear up our clothes and use our bodies for their pleasure at any time they want... We are indeed a pathetic society, a sick set of people who do worship Durga and Kali but can't show some respect to our women... I am ashamed of myself and of the people who surround me... Yes I am the citizen of this great country... I am an Indian... But today in truly every sense I am ashamed to be one!!!

Once upon a time in UK...

This day 2 years ago when I landed at the London Heathrow Airport I had no idea what adventures awaited me in the UK... I remember every second of my first few hours at the airport like it happened yesterday... In the Jet Airways flight when a fellow passenger's luggage almost fell on my head I knew this was not going to be a smooth ride. :P When at the immigration desk, out of my sheer luck, I got the nicer immigration officer, I knew something very bad is about to happen in some other way because you know the "lucky" stuff never happens to me. :D So when I could not find half of my luggage at the airport I was not surprised, I was upset yes but not surprised as THAT is the kind of stuff that normally I am used to. :P I casually went up to the Airport Customer Service and reported the missing luggage, they assured me that they would "look" into the "matter" but somehow I had a feeling that it aint gonna happen. Upon exiting the airport, in a real filmy way I took a deep breathe of the air on the chilly London morning only to realize that I had took in the smoke of the cigarette someone was smoking nearby.. The poor chap did apologize and put out his cigarette when I started coughing like crazy :P... Then came my journey from London to Leicester... 3 and half hours of sheer fun... I loved my first ever National Express ride mostly because of our Jamaican bus driver and my fellow passenger the Indian-American Evangelical priest...

I had no idea that on that day Leicester was shut down due to some sort of riots and to my luck it had to do something with "too-many-Asian-people in UK" ;) :P. When I finally reached Leicester there was not a single cab at the bus station. An Indian cab driver pulled in after around 15 minutes when I was about to have a panic attack. He briefed me about the situation in the city due to the riots, which I thought was exaggeration but recently when I watched the youtube video of that day I know now what he was talking about. It was happening about half a kilometer away from where the bus station was at the City Centre.

On reaching Grange Court and finally inside the safety of our flat I found Coolian my cute little roomie who was so generous to give me her duvet and pillow and offered me food on my first night at our hostel flat... I would be forever grateful to her as she was the one who introduced me to myself... Who made me realize my mistakes and who had a big heart to forgive and forget all of my carelessness and irresponsibility during our stay together...

At the University I made some amazing friends who also functioned as my support system.. Hrishikesh R Deodhar & Tajinder Singh my first ever friends in the UK.. I would always remember our long talks at the library's cafe... The hot chocolates and marshmallows and chocolate cakes... I would remember our Dinner get-togethers. And the all girls luncheon :P with Aakanksha, Pansy, Mohna and Meghna. And the night we all huddled up in my tiny room danced and laughed and watched Jab We Met. :P

Then there were numerous times I travelled to London alone... I cant believe how familiar that city was to me... I could walk for hours.. I remember my first time in London, I walked from Hyde Park to the Buckingham Palace through St. James Park to Trafalgar Square in my thick boots and around 3 layers of clothing... I was taking pictures of every single vehicle or bird or tree I saw... :P The whole place was covered either in snow or ice... It was extremely tiring yet so worth the pain... :D

People ask me if I regret going to the UK and studying... That too right after our wedding when I should have spent time with my new Husband... I tell them no... I don't regret any of it... It was all required for us to grow as individuals... Moreover I have an amazing husband... Who is also my bestest friend in the whole world!! Without whom I would have never been able to sustain myself in the UK in every sense possible... I remember when in my early days I would get cold feet about travelling, he would be with me on the phone continuously with his google maps open on his laptop following my route simultaneously, whether I am in a bus or on foot. I never felt alone even a bit. I remember the first time I had to travel alone to Germany, how the whole of UK was under Gridlock due to the blizzard and how helpless I felt for not being able to see him. Yet we made it. I did see him after 3 months of staying apart after our wedding. I was so extremely overwhelmed with happiness that I forgot that we were nowhere near Germany but stuck in a city named Liege in Belgium. I did not feel this happy even on our wedding day. :P :D

In all it was an enriching experience to have travelled to the UK. To have studied there.. Because I learnt not only my course subjects.. I also learnt about people, relationships, friendships and most importantly about myself... :) I would remember UK not just for the fact I went there to complete my Masters degree, but for the numerous adventures I had there. I will never forget a single second of my stay there in this lifetime. So I thank every single person I have known or seen or said "Hi" to in the UK... Because there my "Hi" even to a stranger was returned with a warm smile and a "Goodday" wish... :)