For years I have been trying to solve this mystery... I have been a victim of this so-called rivalry instigated by outer "agents" for years... It has affected me deeply, so much so that when I hear somebody tell me that they love their brother or sister without any questions asked or that they never used to have fights, in short that they have had peaceful relationships with their siblings, I say (and I quote) "Bwahahaha!! What a load of beeeeep!!" :P ... Seriously, I personally think having a completely peaceful relationship with ones own siblings is a rarest of rare occurrence. (No offence to anyone)
When we were young, me and my sister were pitted against each other, in almost every aspect of our lives. Some used to think that she was cuter/prettier than me, some would think she was better at sports than me (which was very true), some would say that she was better at extra curricular activities (which she was) etc... The list was endless. And honestly, I never had any problems with what people 'thought', but when they used to discuss these things in front of me, you know, it would break my heart. What these people did not realize was that, even though I was the older one (older by an year and 8 months), I was still a child. These were trivial stuff but for a child, these little things do matter. It dented my relationship with my sister for a long time. I suffered from low self-esteem. I used to feel so guilty all the time for being jealous of my sister. I used to blame myself for all that I was feeling against her and I used to think that I was the only elder sister in this whole world who had problems with her younger sister. This continued until one day when I stumbled upon a debate on this very topic on the television... It was hosted by our current Minister of Education, Mrs. Smriti Irani. They had invited this scholarly girl from one of Delhi's best schools to speak on this topic. What had started off as an innocent debate turned into this verbal explosion of all the built up frustration in that poor girl, I remember clearly how she viciously attacked her younger sister, proclaimed that her parents do not understand her and broke down in front of the audience. Mrs. Irani had to console her later. That day I understood one thing that I never hated my sister, infact I loved her a lot (and I still do), and all of my issues seemed really small. And I decided that I should grow up and stop being such a baby!! Trust me after I decided that, the people-talk started sounding like nonsense to me.
Very recently I came across an article about healthy and unhealthy sibling rivalry. It said that while it is important to instill a sense of healthy competition between siblings, it is also extremely vital to know the boundary between healthy and unhealthy competition. As parents we have to make sure that our children do not give importance to what others around them say about them, we should inculcate in them a sense of responsibility towards each other without being condescending towards one particular sibling and should never extol the achievements of one sibling in front of the other.
As children are so impressionable at any age, the stuff that we say in front of them makes a hell of a difference in their lives, while it might make great personalities out of timid ones, it can completely shrink a budding bundle of confidence. It is not necessary that every child out there has the strength to stand up for herself/himself, and it is not just a parent's responsibility to mold a child into an independent and confident individual. We, as a society are also obligated towards this great task, as not only are we bringing up every child around us, we are shaping our own futures through them. In short, it doesn't matter that if you have children or not, you are still a part of bringing up of every child around you. :)
When we were young, me and my sister were pitted against each other, in almost every aspect of our lives. Some used to think that she was cuter/prettier than me, some would think she was better at sports than me (which was very true), some would say that she was better at extra curricular activities (which she was) etc... The list was endless. And honestly, I never had any problems with what people 'thought', but when they used to discuss these things in front of me, you know, it would break my heart. What these people did not realize was that, even though I was the older one (older by an year and 8 months), I was still a child. These were trivial stuff but for a child, these little things do matter. It dented my relationship with my sister for a long time. I suffered from low self-esteem. I used to feel so guilty all the time for being jealous of my sister. I used to blame myself for all that I was feeling against her and I used to think that I was the only elder sister in this whole world who had problems with her younger sister. This continued until one day when I stumbled upon a debate on this very topic on the television... It was hosted by our current Minister of Education, Mrs. Smriti Irani. They had invited this scholarly girl from one of Delhi's best schools to speak on this topic. What had started off as an innocent debate turned into this verbal explosion of all the built up frustration in that poor girl, I remember clearly how she viciously attacked her younger sister, proclaimed that her parents do not understand her and broke down in front of the audience. Mrs. Irani had to console her later. That day I understood one thing that I never hated my sister, infact I loved her a lot (and I still do), and all of my issues seemed really small. And I decided that I should grow up and stop being such a baby!! Trust me after I decided that, the people-talk started sounding like nonsense to me.
Very recently I came across an article about healthy and unhealthy sibling rivalry. It said that while it is important to instill a sense of healthy competition between siblings, it is also extremely vital to know the boundary between healthy and unhealthy competition. As parents we have to make sure that our children do not give importance to what others around them say about them, we should inculcate in them a sense of responsibility towards each other without being condescending towards one particular sibling and should never extol the achievements of one sibling in front of the other.
As children are so impressionable at any age, the stuff that we say in front of them makes a hell of a difference in their lives, while it might make great personalities out of timid ones, it can completely shrink a budding bundle of confidence. It is not necessary that every child out there has the strength to stand up for herself/himself, and it is not just a parent's responsibility to mold a child into an independent and confident individual. We, as a society are also obligated towards this great task, as not only are we bringing up every child around us, we are shaping our own futures through them. In short, it doesn't matter that if you have children or not, you are still a part of bringing up of every child around you. :)
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